I know I am misunderstood by some. I know that some things I write and share might make some people wonder what in the world is going on with me, my husband, and my relationship with God. I never wanted this blog to have a lot of personal things in it, like things about my family, but I think the time has come for me to open up a little bit. I realize I am someone who thinks differently than many people around me. I am grateful for my close friends who, despite perhaps not “getting” where I’m coming from all the time, have stood by me, loved me, and have even tried to learn along with me.
When I got married, I held to complementarian views, although quite loosely. I was suspicious of the concept of submission, but was willing to at least attempt submitting to my husband’s leadership since this is what I was taught. Through about the first five years of our marriage, I became a bit confused because our relationship wasn’t the “complementarian” ideal I thought it would be. My husband is very easy-going and wasn’t “leading” me in all the ways I had been taught he would from books and at marriage conferences. It’s not that he’s a bad husband(far from it), it just turns out that the submission/leadership model didn’t seem necessary for us. Our relationship was shaping into a partnership. We made decisions together, shared childcare and housework equally(when he wasn’t at work), encouraged each other to go out with friends and pursue interests without restraint or any emphasis on his “calling” over mine(we still function this way). I began to question if the ideas of female submission to male leadership and the calling of motherhood and homemaking were really as biblically clear as I had been led to believe.
So I began to read, study, and ask questions. I started to find that not all Christians adhere to these teachings, but they are still Bible-believing Christians. I found out that the Bible has been translated and interpreted almost exclusively by men throughout history, and that the Church’s view of women was very bleak for a very long time. I found out about the first wave of feminism, which was started by Christian women. I began to wonder if what I had learned about women and men from a biblical perspective was as clear as some claim. I also saw how judgmental I had become of anyone who didn’t agree with my understanding of gender roles.
I have tried in the past to ignore my questions, to ignore the voice in me that says, “this isn’t right, this isn’t working for me”. I’ve tried to ignore the pain I see other women enduring as a result of the doctrine of submission to their husbands, no matter what character flaws their husbands display. But I cannot ignore these things anymore. At some point I made a choice…I will ask questions and seek the truth. I will pray, read, and study. I decided to write about it so others who may be struggling with the same questions can see there is another view. I chose to be vocal and put myself “out there” for all to see.
My motives are to seek the knowledge and wisdom of God, and to help women who are struggling with the effects of these teachings. I want to know more, to dig deeper into the Word and find answers to my questions.
That’s where I’m coming from. I’m not “losing my religion”. I’m a concerned, loving person who wants all women and men to be free to be who they are in Christ.
I also welcome folks to ask me directly about what I think and believe. You can contact me on facebook. My only condition is that you are respectful and kind. We might learn something from one another.