This quote comes from the comments section on Biblical Personhood. The post is entitled When Soft Complementarianism is Too Hard: Part II
“Here’s what really bothers me– the way in complementarianism, definitions change depending on who’s doing it. The man in this scenario could decide to listen to his wife– he could say, ‘She knows more than me about this, so I’m choosing her way’ — and when he does that, it will be called ‘leadership.’ ‘He’s such a good leader, he appreciates his wife’s expertise.’ BUT if the thing was reversed– if the husband was the one with greater investment experience, and the wife chose to listen to him– THAT would be called ‘submission.’ ‘She’s such a good submissive wife, she yields to her husband.’
But it’s the exact same action– one partner deferring to the other’s expertise.
It’s a double standard.”
~ Kristen Rosser, writer at Wordgazer’s Words
This is absolutely true: I see it happen all the time. What’s happening is that husbands are functioning in the same way as wives by bringing their gifts to the marriage and using them productively. What makes it “complementarian” is that words are used to mean different things, even though they’re talking about the same exact action. So why is this being done? Because it’s not really important what the husband or wife does; it’s where they stand in the hierarchy of marriage. Husbands lead, wives submit. So even if the wife is “leading” in an area in the marriage, they have to say the husband “defers to her”, because a wife leading doesn’t fit into the definition of complementarianism. It’s a disingenuous, insincere, twisting of words to promote an idea.